this is my new one:

http://semicolonyum.blog.com

i don’t know why i felt

the compulsion to move.

i do realise that it’ll probably result

in a rather large dip in readership, which

i think will probably hurt my self-esteem somewhat,

but the thing is…

i let someone i’m close to know about this blog.

and i suspect they told my mother.

and we had a rather large argument.

and i think that it ended with the agreement

that i never had an ED.

okay.

whatever.

but the point is, i’m moving to a new URL,

where i’ll be posting more about food, than

more of my “inner” thoughts about ED.

i don’t want to have to do this,

but i’m too much of a coward to post it

somewhere my mother might see.

call me cowardly.

call me spineless.

but i just can’t do it.

i’ll still read everyone’s blog, but

i won’t be posting about ED so often.

maybe then, it’ll be easier to leave it behind.

until then, i’ll see you on over

at ;yum.

PS. i love you guys.

i am jealous of her.

i want to be a good photographer.

i want to be able to feel pretty.

i want to make the effort and have a life.

i want to stop being on the computer all the time.

i want to just get out there and be social.

i want to “call someone up” and go “hang out”.

i want to have the motivation to work for success.

i want to know what i’m good at.

i want to know how this can connect with my real life.

i want to know how to stop clicking the next picture.

i want to know how to stop obsessing.

i want to stop obsessing.

**

Honestly, I just don’t know. I have to talk in normal sentences sometimes, so here goes:

She’s a girl at my school. She describes herself as an outcast, but she’s a part of the popular group, the skater section. Her, an outcast? God. What outcast? I’m an outcast. An outcast is someone who can’t identify with anyone else. At least she has friends. And a life. And a passion. But no, she describes herself as an outcast, posts beautifully artistic photos of herself, and gets perceived as a beautiful, deep-thinking, photographic genius.

Maybe I’m being prejudiced or pre-judgmental. I always thought of the popular people as shallow fakes. Poser indies. Faux-depressed angsty teenagers. But who am I to talk? I don’t know anything about love, or relationships. I can’t understand the drama.

I don’t know her personally. But I have commented on her photos on flickr, and tried to talk to her a little on facebook. She hasn’t replied. Maybe it’s just because I’m only one of the many adoring fans of her work.

It’s not fair. I know she worked for this “fame”. I know she has a talent. I want a talent, too. I certainly can’t find out what it is by sitting on my ass all the time wondering about what my talent is.

So, I guess, it’s just time to get out of the house and do something.

I’m going for a walk.

it’s officially summer.

what does that call for?

thanksgiving time, people! it’s time

to give thanks.

to my teachers, in particular.

okay, i admit it, i don’t feel particularly

gratuitous and grateful and

“oh, you were a wonderful teacher who

inspired me to become the greatest

writer/mathematician/historian ever!”

but let’s be honest here.

i am a suckup.

i like to bake.

i like to look for excuses for baking.

so what better excuse to pull out some

fancy-pants recipe i spotted a couple weeks ago?

granted, it’s not that fancy-pants

but it’s fancy-pantsier than the usual…

y’know. oreo blondie.

banana muffin.

zebra cupcake.

(notice that biscotti aren’t on that list.

i think i’m going to lay off biscotti for a while.)

i used this recipe for benne wafers

from she wears many hats.

now… i have to admit, it wasn’t the best in the world.

because the first time i made them,

i made the batter on monday night and

had no time to bake them.

i had tuesday off school, but we went to the expo.

(which i think sucks, by the way. gosh.)

and “i decided” to bake them up late that night.

why the quotation marks in “i decided”?

well, i decided, but i didn’t bake them.

i came upstairs and became lazy and kept putting it off

so my mother, in all her good intentions,

rationed out the batter into 35 perfect circular drops

and stuck it in the oven.

she did notice, however, that the batter was very, very

liquidy.

that’s right, kids.

it spread. and covered the entire pan.

i was not a happy camper, for several reasons.

• they spread. did i mention that?
• when i dug them up from the pan, the bottom of the pan was slick with oil. or melted butter.
• i had to cut them into ugly rectangular shapes.
• they weren’t wafers, they were pieces of sticky, greasy, floppy… lace cookies.
• they were tasty, though. perhaps too tasty, because once i decided i couldn’t present them to my teachers, i proceeded to binge on them. it’s been happening a bit more often lately, except with one difference: i can’t seem to find the energy to care and obsess over binging anymore. so i ate. until my tummy ached. damn.

F is for fail.

F is also for flop.

so the next day, the wednesday, i remade them.

but with a TON of modifications.

• the recipe called for 6 tbsp of butter. therefore, i had 2 tbsp left. that’s right, kids. i thirded the butter. is that even a word? thirded?
• my mother said that the recipes for “lace cookies” called for more egg whites than egg yolks. so i beat in an extra egg white for moisture.
• it turned out a little too moist, so i added lots of flour to even it out. it was probably close to 1/4 to 1/3 cups extra of flour.
• i reduced the sugar. i can’t remember by how much, but again it was at the insistence of my mother.

i hoped, and prayed, that it would work.

i tested out a first batch, which i ended up

burning a little.

have i mentioned before that my oven is sucky?

only the top flame works.

therefore, i often get overcooked tops,

and undercooked bottoms.

but no fear! with the advice of my wise mother,

(who, by the way, used to bake a lot, which explains

her wiseness when it comes to cooking.)

i heated up the second sheet pan in the oven so that

there would be some residual heat from the pan that

cooked the cookies from the bottom, and

placed the sheet at the lower third of the oven.

if i felt that the cookies weren’t browning enough,

i moved the rack up.

it worked like a charm, if i do say so myself.

well… maybe i  could have let it brown

just a little more on top?

or flipped it over, and baked it upside down?

but never mind. i was about the package them anyway.

i had to choose between these four adorable

packaging options.

purchased: from japan.

oh. how i love japan and how gimmicky and cutesy they get.

i chose this one:

(i forgot to take a picture of them actually packaged up.

they were cute. maybe too much so.

let’s leave it at that.)

now today, was a good, but lazy day.

i stayed at home for all but maybe 10 minutes.

it felt nice.

i thought that summer holiday would mean

less baking/cooking, but guess what i made today?

i made hummus.

and cupcakes!

because my sister was craving them.

vanilla cupcakes with vanilla icing.

sadly, my cupcake attempt was pretty half-assed.

i’ll post about them tomorrow, because

it is 2.45am over here in El Chino, and

i have to get up early tomorrow in 6 hours.

gosh. i thought that summer holiday would mean

more sleep. (i actually took a nap today.)

i should make sleep a priority for now…

plus all that summer camp stuff.

but i’m getting off topic.

here is the recipe: (modifications in red)

Benne Wafer Recipe (makes about 50, approximately 2″ wafers) (actually, they made about half that amount)

recipe from She Wears Many Hats

adapted from Charleston Receipts

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 egg white
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour + 1/4 to 1/3 cup
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 6 tablespoons sesame seeds

Directions:

- In a sauté pan or skillet, toast sesame seeds over medium heat until brown. Stir occasionally to avoid scorching. Let cool.

- In a mixing bowl, cream the brown sugar and butter together.

- Add the beaten egg to the sugar/butter mixture, and combine well.

- Next, sift the flour, salt and baking powder together, add it to the mix and combine until just smooth.

- Finally add the vanilla and toasted sesame seeds and mix well.

- On a foil, parchment or silicon baking mat lined baking sheet, drop teaspoons of batter, spaced apart to allow for spreading.

- Bake in a 375°F oven for approximately 12-13 minutes, until browned.

- Let cool for about a minute on baking sheet before removing to cool on rack.

**

How would you modify this recipe further? I don’t know if it was imprecise measuring on my part or just a bad recipe, but… I honestly think that mine were better. Sorry

Also, I’m thinking about making a recipe page. But only if you found my recipes useful… I mean, I modify them crazily all the time, and I’m not a great source for recipes… but it was mighty hard trying to find those old posts with the cryptic titles I have.

Do you find my cryptic titles annoying?? I do, actually. Next time I’ll write a title DIRECTLY relevant to my post. (Or maybe I’ll just do that for recipe posts. I’m changing the title of this post right now.)

summer. is. finally. here.

now, what is it about those four words

that irritates me so?

on one hand, i’m extremely happy and

am looking forward to relaaaaaax, but…

i realise that i kinda sorta have forgotten how to

relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax.

strange. i have agendas and schedules on the brain.

it ties in with that productivity issue i mentioned.

i mean, okay, i’m being productive right now

and posting something after four days, but

i have this list of things to do:

• send an email inquiring about a dog adoption meetup on sunday
• apply for an architecture camp which i am not so sure about
• reply to an email from a lovely reader
• find more potential summer camps in shanghai
• buy a damn graphing calculator

okay maybe i’m not being entirely serious, but the point is

what used to occupy this list was schoolwork… and blogwork.

(i’m not implying that blogging is work.

well… hm.

it is, frankly, because i’ve been putting off this post

for two days, already.

and if there’s one feature of bloggers i’ve noticed,

it’s that they’re very punctual.

blog publishing is so fast and so easy,

that posts are almost always very up-to-date.)

but the subject of this post today is…

summer.

now, let me back up and explain to you the situation

at our school.

nay, in the fair town of verona city of shanghai!

shanghai is divided into east and west by a river.

the river in chinese is known as a “pu.”

(don’t laugh.)

and east in chinese is “dong”, and west is “xi”.

so, put them together and you’ve got “pudong” and puxi”.

(“xi” is pronounced shee, by the way.)

well, now let me introduce my school.

my school has two campuses: one in pudong, and one in puxi.

i do believe that puxi is the older one, and…

there’s always been a rivalry between the two.

i live closer to the puxi campus, and i’m on the waiting list.

the problem is, i don’t want to go to puxi.

i don’t want to go through what i went through again

when i transferred from my old school.

besides, i’ve made an identity for myself here,

with my teachers and peers.

now, another explanation: maybe about 60% of my classmates

are on the waiting list for puxi.

and… in our little “friendship group”… about 85% is leaving next year.

to puxi. they got accepted.

and most of them are in the “cooler” part of the group.

(that sounds so mean, but if i had to be honest

they’d be the ones i’d want to be associated with.)

now, i could see the fact that almost all of them are leaving

as a bad thing and cry and be led along to puxi with them,

or i could stay at pudong.

and continue building on my identity.

y’see, it’s like a new beginning, for me.

in the beginning of next semester, there will be new kids.

new kids = new potential friends.

in the beginning of this year, i was withdrawn and aloof

of everyone else.

as a result, i didn’t “bond” with the group as i would’ve

if i had “joined” earlier.

(or it could be that we just weren’t meant to be friends.)

(or maybe because i’m boring! gasp.)

so i was thinking…

why not make a new start for myself?

make new friends next year, from scratch.

yes/no?

yes.

i’m staying, and that’s final.

i don’t want to readjust

i don’t want to leave

i don’t want to be blindly led on by “friends” which

i’m not even sure about.

i just hope i can find someone i can get along with next year.

wish. me. luck!

ps: remember my suckup fail?

well, SUCK IT suckaaaaas,

cos the last day of school was a suckup WIN.

hint hint:

does anybody know how to balance out

the blue background?

i use the colour balance tool in Photoshop, but

i can’t edit the cookie and the background separately.

blue does not suit food.

**

What are you looking forward to at the END of this summer?

spanish,

and math.

i really, truly, sincerely have not studied.

i really, truly, sincerely do not want to study.

i really, truly, sincerely think that…

productivity is an issue.

being a perfectionist and a person who likes to

get things done,

i get very frustrated at myself when i find myself

procrastinating.

why?

because as my mom ever-so-lovingly pointed out,

it’s losing control.

i really hate it

when she doesn’t understand about my

control issues.

if i tell her about a binge and try to mention it lightly

and end up crying and telling her that i “lost control”

she just says “it happens” and “don’t be so hard on yourself”.

and she uses it in snide-sounding remarks to me.

“you’re so anal about losing control over food,

yet you can’t control yourself in front of the computer.”

“you talk about losing control and being in control all the time

yet you only sleep 6 hours a night despite the doctor telling you.”

“stop talking about ‘losing control’ and stop looking at stupid videos.

i thought you were going to study, where’s the control there?”

she doesn’t say it exactly like that,

but that’s what it sounds like,

and it does not feel good.

it reminds me that i’m out of control of myself, and recently

even out of control with food.

on top of that, i haven’t weighed myself in weeks

and i did this morning, and i gained.

quite a lot, in my little twisted world.

but back to the productivity issue.

i realised i was procrastinating like hell

and i hated it.

i wish i was doing something more worthwhile

with my time, but i just want to give up

and go to sleep.

i read the spanish notes i made from half a year ago

before semester exams, and boy.

was i ever a diligent little note-taker.

i probably rewrote all the vocabulary at least twice.

we’re talking 6 pages of pure vocab, people.

don’t you think that people like us are such

perfectionists?

why do i always feel the need to be productive?

i wish i was doing something productive with my time

but i’m just wasting my life away.

i feel so tired all the time, and food is supposed to remedy it.

it’s not. i’m tired, i’m sore, and i feel weak.

where’s the energy that i got from the food merely

a month ago?

if i’m not getting any energy, then why eat?

jesus.

i know in my rational mind that

food isn’t a miracle cure.

but for someone recovering from an ed

in which all i seemed to deprive myself of was

food,

then isn’t having food supposed to

solve my problems?

that’s just not true.

even during ed, i went for the foods that were “filling”.

(sure, oatmeal is filling, but not a miniscule amount of it.)

now, when my food intake isn’t “productive”

(ie, i eat something and it doesn’t keep me full)

i get upset.

all i want to do right now is just lie down and sleep

but i know i have to study.

i guess typing out this post is part of procrastination.

i wish i could say i don’t care anymore,

but i do.

procrastinating bothers me like hell.

i don’t know why productivity is so important to me.

i want to be doing something with my life.

i’m supposed to be living and eating now.

i’m supposed to be happy.

i’m supposed to be.

**

What are your thoughts on productivity and how it ties in with your ED? If you don’t have an ED, does procrastination bother you? (ie. extreme, deep-seated guilt.)

had jetted off to europe about

3 weeks ago?

you may have wondered why there were

no photos from that time.

it was simply because i lacked a camera.

recently, though, i’ve been having fun

with my dad’s dSLR.

too much fun. i miss it now

because i can’t take pictures of the last

two macaron flavours (pistachio

and caramel with salted butter, in case

you haven’t drooled heard enough)

because i can’t find the charger.

maybe i’ll take pictures with my little

point and shoot, later.

darn. i’ve been spoiled by the lovely

dSLR. (plus, i discovered a 50mm

f 1.8 primary lens. i can take macro

photos with that! i definitely will try it out.)

but first, back to the two weeks my parents

were absent.

as you may have noticed, i bake approximately

once a week.

on sundays, to be precise, because i always

bring it to school to pawn off to my sweet-hungry friends

and get review.

granted they aren’t very useful review, because

no matter what i make they always like.

(eg: i thought the zebra cakes were greasy,

but they liked them.

i thought the blondies were too sweet,

but they liked them.)

anyway, so i made blondies that week my p&s was absent

and didn’t take a picture.

BUT.

a week later, i made the same thing

for the “english service project” party

(english service project is a charity project

in which students at our school volunteer

to teach people like the cleaners, kitchen workers,

security guards, etc. english.

i teach the cafeteria workers, if you were curious.

they know me very well.

especially the sandwich dude.

he’s always insisting on putting an extra piece

of meat in my sandwich, which i am not too happy about.

and the cafe people.

they already know how much i like them apples.

i buy one almost everyday.

oh, how i digress. sorry.)

anyway, i baked blondies, again.

i used this recipe from smitten kitchen.

except, i changed it up in the following ways:

1. I bought a tube of Oreo cookies.
2. I took all but four (I didn’t count them) and bashed the living daylights out of them with a mallet in a plastic bag.
3. I combined it with about 1/2 stick of melted butter.
4. I pressed the crust into the foil-lined 8×8 pan. (It didn’t quite cover the whole pan, but I didn’t care.)
5. I mixed up the blondie mix and reduced the sugar from 1 cup to 1/2 cup. (That may seem like a lot, and maybe I reduced too much, but I figured the oreos were sweet enough.)
6. I was originally planning to make oreo cheesecake with the Oreos, but it turns out that I needed 3 sticks of cream cheese. Darn. How stupid am I? There was only one in the fridge. So, to maybe add a little moisture, I added ~1 tablespoon of cream cheese. Mmm. I don’t know how it affected the flavour, though.
7. I broke the remaining four Oreos into quarters and arranged them, 4×4 in the pan.
8. The recipe made 16 Oreo blondies. (The non-Oreo ones I made before were with chocolate chips, the full amount of sugar, and I cut them into 36 teeny-tiny squares. I felt they were greasy and a little underbaked/sticky on the bottom.)

anyway.

photos. you like photos. yes, no?

i have been playing with photoshop.

too often the white balance/tone of my photos turn out

too yellow or too blue.

in this case, they were too yellow.

i tried. please don’t blame me.

i’ve heard that food photography is the hardest type of photography.

honestly, any pointers?!

i like the way the white cream filling in the oreos

that were pressed on top

baked to be nice and golden.

(ugh, horrible blur and focus, i know.

i wish i had better photos)

but it held a surprise, underneath

all that gooey golden goodness…

(BLUR! DIE! DIE!)

is the crust.

yum yum yummy yummo.

(BLUR. i’m sorry.)

sigh. they were okay, i guess.

tasted just like a sweet cookie, with oreo flavour.

i think i may have cut back on the sugar

a bit too much, though.

next time i’ll just cut back maybe 2/3. or 3/4.

so there you go.

check out the recipe; i’m not posting my modifications.

there are too many.

they are definitely infinitely adaptable.

Blondies

Recipe from Smitten Kitchen

Adapted from How to Cook Everything

8 tablespoons butter, melted
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla or 1/2 teaspoon almond extract
Pinch salt
1 cup all-purpose flour

1. Butter an 8×8 pan
2. Mix melted butter with brown sugar – beat until smooth. Beat in egg and then vanilla.
3. Add salt, stir in flour. Mix in any additions (below).
4. Pour into prepared pan. Bake at 350°F 20-25 minutes, or until set in the middle. I always err on the side of caution with baking times — nobody ever complained about a gooey-middled cookie. Cool on rack before cutting them.

Further additions, use one or a combination of:

• 1/2 to 1 cup chopped nuts, toasting them first for even better flavor
• 1/2 to 1 cup chocolate chips
• 1/2 teaspoon mint extract in addition to or in place of the vanilla
• 1/2 cup mashed bananas
• 1/4 cup bourbon, scotch or other whiskey; increase the flour by one tablespoon
• 2 tablespoons of espresso powder with the vanilla
• Stir 1/2 cup dried fruit, especially dried cherries, into the prepared batter
• Top with a vanilla butter cream or chocolate peanut butter cream frosting

so that’s that. blondies. they are yummy.

oh, right, i forgot:

yes. i like the focus on this one.

**

Do you like blondies or brownies? Oh, and I’ve seen white chocolate brownies floating around amongst TWD bakers recently. I think it’s genius, by the way.

inconspiciously wonderfully beautiful

cakes – on the inside, anyway.

look at the original picture from the recipe

at Baking Banter (King Arthur Flour’s blog)

of course, there were a few differences:

• mine wasn’t frosted.
• mine didn’t have those cute monkey and zebra candy shapes.
• mine was in cupcake form.
• mine only had 4-5 zebra stripes.

so, without further ado, i present you:

zebra cupcakes.

your ingredients:

i didn’t take any photos of

the baking process, though.

i think the photos of the result are enough.

see the stripes?

no? well…

as you may have noticed, my cupcakes

rose and split, quite a lot.

some feedback on my baking skills/the recipe:

• the flavour was very classic, just vanilla and chocolate cake combined sort of lightly
• the texture was slightly too oily (the recipe called for 1 cup of oil, which actually translates to two sticks of butter!)
• that said, my oven’s heat blares from top down (i really don’t know the official term) so the tops browned maybe a little to much and the bottoms were “moist” – read: oily.
• i used too much baking powder, which i suspect is the reason for them rising so much.
• i was expecting a sort of flat cupcake-thing (this looks more like muffins) that i would dust powdered sugar over. not so.

but

too much talk, not enough yum, yes?

now, out of the cup…

i like the way the baking powder

made them rise so much that

some of them formed little “hats”.

take off your hat, little cupcake.

(what is this, a strip tease?

first the cup/dress off, then the hat.

oh deary me.)

“please don’t kill me! please!”

the hungry executioner stood, knife at the ready.

and she went in for the kill.

“sorry, mr cupcake.

i did what had to be done.”

now i’m a surgeon.

i’m examining what went wrong in mr cupcake’s innards

that caused his untimely death.

i’m not sure.

maybe my “noms” had to do with it.

now, proof of the over-oiliness

that i found to be the case with these…

but anyway, i think that i turned out

with too little stripes.

because i made them in mini-cupcake form,

obviously.

if i had made it cake-size, it would have turned out like this:

and sliced up to become this:

oh well. there’s always next time.

**

I think this is a lovely technique that could work with lots of different cake batters! Kudos to the awesome bakers over at Baking Banter, King Arthur Flour’s blog. Check out their new, sinful recipe: “Brownie Ice Cream Cake“. Oh, but before you click: here’s a tissue to wipe up all that drool.

Try this technique! I’d be glad to see how it would go with you guys.

just to clear up which flavours, i referred

to this chart:

so i finally figured out which flavours i ate.

first, i ate the raspberry and the lemon.

then, yesterday,

the orange blossom and the rose petal.

all flowers. how coincidental?

so, here are all of the macaron flavours,

labelled:

i was planning to eat the pistachio

and the salted caramel (actually caramel

with salted butter – don’t tell me you didn’t drool)

tonight, but it turns out

that my mom popped them into the freezer

so that we could savour them

with my sister, who is coming back

on tuesday (june 1).

sorry. (i’m sorrier because i didn’t get

to taste them.)

anyway, here is a very detailed review

of the flavours. enjoy reading!

**

Which flavour macaron would you like to try? Personally, I am dying to try the caramel with salted butter, but also pistachio, mint, bitter chocolate, chocolate, vanilla, soft fruits with spices, and mango with jasmine. Mmm.

yesterday.

as you might have gathered i do harbour

some pretty intense teenage-angst,

“woe-is-me”-style feelings.

i think the best way to tell my mom

about such issues is to write her a letter.

too bad nobody i know in real life

reads my blog.

i can’t talk to her about these kinds of issues

because i start to cry

and if there’s one thing i hate

it’s trying to talk while crying.

anyway.

moving on to more happiness…

because this is just happiness in a tube, right?

correction of the flavours i had last time:

the yellow one was orange blossom.

strange, i know, considering

that it was so brightly yellow.

now yesterday…

i had to choose between these fateful four.

i think i finally got the flavours right.

from top to bottom:

lemon

rose

caramel

pistachio.

now, which did i choose from these fantastic four?

drumroll, please…

hello, lovers.

as promised, i’m saving the pistachio for last.

and i was kind of hoping that the caramel

would be “salted”, so i saved that too.

i’ll be having those when i get home tonight.

now… fun with my camera in closeup shots!

rose.

isn’t that beautiful?

to be honest i can’t really taste the difference

between the flavours, though.

i can taste… sugar.

…maybe the special part is supposed to be

the texture?

because that’s certainly the best feature.

besides the cuteness, of course.

the lemon.

can you see the thick, thick filling, peeking through there?

no?

you’ll see it, soon enough.

so i cut them in half…

look at that skin.

ew, not the word skin. the word skin

cannot be associated with such a delicious delight.

the shell.

yes, the delicate egg-shell-like shell. yum.

the rose’s innards.

the texture was sort of creamy, like

whipped cream.

as i said before,

i couldn’t really tell the difference

between the tastes.

or the smells.

you know what one of my goals is?

it’s to become a food critic. or a food snob.

i’m trying to cultivate my taste buds.

the lemon’s innards.

as you can see, it’s translucent-ish

and very very gel-ish.

i didn’t enjoy the inside very much.

it was too thick, and had a sort of…

um…

(adjectives, adjectives…)

graaaaaassy flavour?

hmm.

carnage!

i saved the other halves for my mom.

now, on the agenda for tonight:

caramel and pistachio macarons

ballet class

and a pack of sour patch kids that i got from

my friend whose parents brought them back

from the usa!

i haven’t had sour patch kids ever since

summer camp, where most of the girls i knew

were from the us, and brought candy with them.

you might have noticed that i put up a wishlist.

sour patch kids is on it.

my wish will be fulfilled soon.

**

What’s a food product that you can only get in another country that you miss?

skip to 8 minutes.

watch the rest of this documentary if you have time.

don’t watch it if you think it’s triggering.

it is.

part 1: (skip to 8 minutes)

part 2: (watch to 2.15)

the girl who talks about her kids is called Alisa

she taught me a lesson.

i need to watch this again. i need to learn again

what really matters to me.

i don’t want to be like brittany (the 15 year old).

as horrible as that sounds, but i don’t want to be like her.

i want to be stronger than her.