Wei-Wei

‘Cause growing up is awfuller Than all the awful things that ever were.

In Uncategorized on April 15, 2010 at 4:35 pm

‘Cause growing up is awfuller
Than all the awful things that ever were.
I’ll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up,
No sir,
Not I,
Not me,
So there!

(“I Won’t Grow Up”, Peter Pan)

three days out of

the four days of

this week so far,

i made myself breakfast.

the first day,

i made oatmeal.

the second day,

my mom made tuna on toast.

the third day,

i made scrambled eggs on toast.

the fourth day, today,

i made veggies on toast.

why did i do this?

because soon,

my sister will be graduating from college,

but i can’t attend the graduation ceremony,

so i have to stay here.

one choice i had

was to go to my mom’s friend’s house.

i don’t know her very well, so i declined.

my other choice,

was to stay at home alone

(with the exception of a maid who would

clean up,

do the dishes,

organize the house,

help me cook dinner,

etc.)

i would have to:

wake up by myself

make my own breakfast

go to school by myself

come home

eat dinner partly prepared by the maid

be at home alone for the evening

check all the windows and doors for safety each night

sleep

alone.

the idea of doing all of this on my own

to finally have a taste of independence

appealed to me

greatly.

so i told my mom

i wanted to stay home alone for two weeks.

and so i began to prepare

and so my mom began to teach me

a little about how to survive.

little things,

like

the rice-to-water ratio

how long to cook vegetable soup

how to chop things efficiently

etc.

hence, i told my mom

to sleep in every morning

because i would make my own breakfast this week.

little did i know

the anxiety i caused on my mom

because of how worried she was

that i would be home alone.

she was terrified

that someone would come in

and i would wind up

robbed

kidnapped

…dead.

this morning she exploded

in tears

and anger

demanding to know

“why do you want to grow up so fast?”

“why can’t you act like your age?”

“are you denying what i provide for you on purpose?”

because in her eyes

what she was providing

(the bread i was meant to use for breakfast this morning

the leftover meat i was meant to use for breakfast this morning

the slices of cheese she had bought for breakfast toasts)

i. was. not. using.

and that made me cry

because i didn’t know

why i wanted to grow up so fast.

i didn’t know

why i needed to know these things.

i didn’t know

why i wanted to push almost everything

everyone

that i loved

away from me

in favour of loneliness independence.

why?

WHY?

**

Have you ever grown up too fast?

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