being happy

In Uncategorized on April 23, 2010 at 11:47 pm

being happy

is such an art.

no, really.

i’ve been in a really


mood for the past few days.

don’t know why, really.

i must explain my friend


in regards to reclusive behavior

for the first semester

at my new school

i think we can safely attribute that to




1) nobody could notice my lack of nutrition intake

2) i looked down on the people in my new school

(“those people from that american school

are all like that“)

3) i slowly lost my identity to ED.

but anyway

i did have a few people

who did take the time

to talk to me.

i was frustrated because

these people were part of a big group

of girls (that i currently

am closest to

and eat lunch with)

and i viewed them as the only friends

that i had.

but to them?

i was just that random somebody.

i was lonely.

i didn’t find much to talk about

with them.

i was quiet, boring and tired all the time

i couldn’t find the energy to keep up with them.

but now?

well, to summarize:

with the food, comes the energy.

with the energy, comes the personality.

with the personality, comes identity.

with the identity, comes relationships and connections.

and with the relationships and connections,

comes happiness.

you know what i mean?

an example:

one rainy day, a few of my friends

decided to spontaneously run out into the rain.

after some pulling and giggling,

i decided to join them.

now running back through the rain

i tripped on the curb

and fell onto my face.

it hurt,

but not so much

because i started to laugh,

like i hadn’t laughed in ages.

now i feel like

i have an “inside joke” with those girls

(whenever it rains,

one of them nudges me and says,

“Hey Wei-Wei, want to go out into the rain?”

laughter ensues.)

even though the joke’s on me

i don’t mind.

really, because my opinions

and view of self-worth are gone.

i don’t really mind if someone degrades me

because how other people define me

…is how i define myself.

isn’t that a little sad?

Am I Boring You?

i told you i was overconcerned.


What’s been making you happy recently?

  1. This post totally warmed my heart and made me smile. I feel like giving you a great big ol’ hug and while I’ve only just started reading your blog, I am bursting with pride for you. You definitely deserve true happiness and it looks like the girls do value your friendship more than you know. Keep living hun! You are gorgeous!

    Nat xoxo

  2. Aww thanks nattie! *hugs* I’m proud of you too! You’re so far along in your recovery and you have such a positive outlook on life… and has anyone told you how cute you are? 😀 You’re a beautiful person, both inside and out!

    Stay strong, LIVE ON! 😀


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