is such an art.
i’ve been in a really
mood for the past few days.
don’t know why, really.
i must explain my friend
in regards to reclusive behavior
for the first semester
at my new school
i think we can safely attribute that to
1) nobody could notice my lack of nutrition intake
2) i looked down on the people in my new school
(“those people from that american school
are all like that“)
3) i slowly lost my identity to ED.
i did have a few people
who did take the time
to talk to me.
i was frustrated because
these people were part of a big group
of girls (that i currently
am closest to
and eat lunch with)
and i viewed them as the only friends
that i had.
but to them?
i was just that random somebody.
i was lonely.
i didn’t find much to talk about
i was quiet, boring and tired all the time
i couldn’t find the energy to keep up with them.
well, to summarize:
with the food, comes the energy.
with the energy, comes the personality.
with the personality, comes identity.
with the identity, comes relationships and connections.
and with the relationships and connections,
you know what i mean?
one rainy day, a few of my friends
decided to spontaneously run out into the rain.
after some pulling and giggling,
i decided to join them.
now running back through the rain
i tripped on the curb
and fell onto my face.
but not so much
because i started to laugh,
like i hadn’t laughed in ages.
now i feel like
i have an “inside joke” with those girls
(whenever it rains,
one of them nudges me and says,
“Hey Wei-Wei, want to go out into the rain?”
even though the joke’s on me
i don’t mind.
really, because my opinions
and view of self-worth are gone.
i don’t really mind if someone degrades me
because how other people define me
…is how i define myself.
isn’t that a little sad?
Am I Boring You?
i told you i was overconcerned.
What’s been making you happy recently?