i can’t believe i’m so naïve

In Uncategorized on April 30, 2010 at 1:52 am

today was a happy day.

we had swimming class in pe

for last lesson

and while i probably am meant to complain

(because i normally hate pe class)

i actually kind of liked it.

we were doing swimming

and we were assessed using a 10-minute endurance swim

i did 14.5 lengths of the pool, or

nearly 375 m.

(although i did feel bad because

my friend had injured her arm

yet got the same result as me.

i didn’t let it bother me

too much.)

and after swimming, while i stood in the showers

with two of my friends, i’ll call them

lise and beth,

lise invited both of us over to her house


i said yes.


we ended up having a rather fun evening

and i got home at eleven.

on the subway home with beth,

we began talking about… ed.

now i need to describe beth.

i used to see her as just a ditzy,

blonde-ish, fake sort of girl

with not really much of a character.

i think i’ve learned not to judge a book

by it metaphorical cover.

she was the first person i told my ed about

(she was new this semester)

when she once asked me in pe class,

“how do you maintain your figure?”

i was sick of lying and i couldn’t say

oh i don’t know

it’s natural i guess?

so i looked at her and said

would you believe that six months ago

i was 20 pounds heavier than i am now?

her eyes widened and she became curious

and she asked me


well, i basically didn’t eat.

so you were like anorexic, kind of?

yeah. i guess.

i became worried about her state of mind

when she asked me,

what tips do you have for losing weight?

dude i’m so fat i want to lose weight

well all i eat for lunch is like salad

with a bit of balsamic vinegar

but i just stay fat…

i was a little disturbed.

i mean, if i just told her that i was anorexic

why was she still seeking diet tips from me?

did she not KNOW that anorexia was a dangerous

mental illness?

anyway, today on the subway home

the subject moved, for some reason, to

body image and ed.

we started by talking about whose bodies we thought

were attractive in our grade level.

(we sort of agreed to throw

the homophobe in us out the window

and daringly use the words “hot” and “big chest”.

it was rather liberating.)

then somehow…

she told me about how in the beginning of the semester

she had tried to make friends with the most popular girl

in our grade.

she told me that on the first day

she went into pe class

and could immediately tell that two girls were

the “popular ones”

(and she was correct!)

and so she decided to get closer to them.

she said she was thrilled

when the girls invited her to have lunch with them.

but eventually, as the friendship with the “popular group”

wore off,

beth said that she found herself

a little lonely,

a little friendless,

and just a little depressed.

she described to me the feelings she had

during that time

walking through the hallways like alone

with my lunch in my hands

it was just… a terrible feeling.

i know all too well, this feeling.

but what she told me next surprised me even more.

there’s this convenience store near my house

and everyday after school i’d go there

and buy like three rice balls

two packs of hichew

and chocolate and sweets and things

and i’d just eat it all.

i was shocked.

the conversation later continued

and i found out that she had purged as well.

she told me that she had gained 13 pounds

since her move to this country and this school

and she desperately wanted to lose the weight.

she told me that she knew that she had a sort of

unhealthy mindset of

an obsession with her weight.

she knew she wasn’t anorexic,

or bulimic, but

she knew she was probably in a dangerous mental position.

i agreed.

and i was scared.


because i’m coming to realise how common this sort of thing is…

i mean, i’ve come across bulimia three times now.

once, with my sister.

twice, with my friend from the previous post (i’ll call her yaya).

and now thrice, with beth.

i’ve never come across anyone with anorexia.

but i do know that i’m not alone in this world.

this is why i want to pursue psychology.

even though i didn’t used to have a high opinion of beth,

i now see her as much more important than before.

because in my eyes, she’s very close to having

an eating disorder.

and from my experience…

i feel that it’s my duty to prevent such a thing from happening

to anyone.



What do you do when you find out someone you know is close to having a problem you once had?

  1. Wei-Wei, kudos for you for recognizing that your friend might have some sort of problem. I’d totally feel the same way if I were in the same situation. Hopefully you can help her through her tough times . . . I’m sending you luck and love! 🙂

    • Thanks so much Pinjing! There’s just that sense of… duty you feel, right? I mean, if you’ve been through something horrible and if you’re a halfway decent person, then you’d obviously want to prevent other people from going through that. I wouldn’t even wish what I went through on someone I hated with a passion… it’s just too much. 😦

      Thanks! I’m trying my hardest to help 🙂

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