today was a happy day.
we had swimming class in pe
for last lesson
and while i probably am meant to complain
(because i normally hate pe class)
i actually kind of liked it.
we were doing swimming
and we were assessed using a 10-minute endurance swim
i did 14.5 lengths of the pool, or
nearly 375 m.
(although i did feel bad because
my friend had injured her arm
yet got the same result as me.
i didn’t let it bother me
and after swimming, while i stood in the showers
with two of my friends, i’ll call them
lise and beth,
lise invited both of us over to her house
i said yes.
we ended up having a rather fun evening
and i got home at eleven.
on the subway home with beth,
we began talking about… ed.
now i need to describe beth.
i used to see her as just a ditzy,
blonde-ish, fake sort of girl
with not really much of a character.
i think i’ve learned not to judge a book
by it metaphorical cover.
she was the first person i told my ed about
(she was new this semester)
when she once asked me in pe class,
“how do you maintain your figure?”
i was sick of lying and i couldn’t say
oh i don’t know
it’s natural i guess?
so i looked at her and said
would you believe that six months ago
i was 20 pounds heavier than i am now?
her eyes widened and she became curious
and she asked me
well, i basically didn’t eat.
so you were like anorexic, kind of?
yeah. i guess.
i became worried about her state of mind
when she asked me,
what tips do you have for losing weight?
dude i’m so fat i want to lose weight
well all i eat for lunch is like salad
with a bit of balsamic vinegar
but i just stay fat…
i was a little disturbed.
i mean, if i just told her that i was anorexic
why was she still seeking diet tips from me?
did she not KNOW that anorexia was a dangerous
anyway, today on the subway home
the subject moved, for some reason, to
body image and ed.
we started by talking about whose bodies we thought
were attractive in our grade level.
(we sort of agreed to throw
the homophobe in us out the window
and daringly use the words “hot” and “big chest”.
it was rather liberating.)
she told me about how in the beginning of the semester
she had tried to make friends with the most popular girl
in our grade.
she told me that on the first day
she went into pe class
and could immediately tell that two girls were
the “popular ones”
(and she was correct!)
and so she decided to get closer to them.
she said she was thrilled
when the girls invited her to have lunch with them.
but eventually, as the friendship with the “popular group”
beth said that she found herself
a little lonely,
a little friendless,
and just a little depressed.
she described to me the feelings she had
during that time
walking through the hallways like alone
with my lunch in my hands
it was just… a terrible feeling.
i know all too well, this feeling.
but what she told me next surprised me even more.
there’s this convenience store near my house
and everyday after school i’d go there
and buy like three rice balls
two packs of hichew
and chocolate and sweets and things
and i’d just eat it all.
i was shocked.
the conversation later continued
and i found out that she had purged as well.
she told me that she had gained 13 pounds
since her move to this country and this school
and she desperately wanted to lose the weight.
she told me that she knew that she had a sort of
unhealthy mindset of
an obsession with her weight.
she knew she wasn’t anorexic,
or bulimic, but
she knew she was probably in a dangerous mental position.
and i was scared.
because i’m coming to realise how common this sort of thing is…
i mean, i’ve come across bulimia three times now.
once, with my sister.
twice, with my friend from the previous post (i’ll call her yaya).
and now thrice, with beth.
i’ve never come across anyone with anorexia.
but i do know that i’m not alone in this world.
this is why i want to pursue psychology.
even though i didn’t used to have a high opinion of beth,
i now see her as much more important than before.
because in my eyes, she’s very close to having
an eating disorder.
and from my experience…
i feel that it’s my duty to prevent such a thing from happening
What do you do when you find out someone you know is close to having a problem you once had?