Wei-Wei

five senses friday

In Uncategorized on May 1, 2010 at 1:46 am

technically it’s saturday already

since it’s 1.40 am,

but… i just couldn’t resist writing about this.

i hope you understand what it’s like.

see: finger covered in smears of peanut butter

about a quarter of the jar gone in two days

a spoon to dig it out with

a piece of bread to spread it on

smell: the nutty smell of peanut butter

the carby smell of whole wheat bread

hear: silence.

there’s nobody here.

why else do you think i’m still binging on peanut butter?

taste: peanut butter.

bread.

peanut butter.

oh, peanut butter.

partially hydrogenated vegetable oils.

feel: sad.

defeated.

uncontrollable.

**

I need help.

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  1. you’re not alone. i hate the feeling of being sad and mad at myself

    • Thanks… It’s even worse to be ALONE and sad and mad at yourself. 😦 It leads to things being done that hurt only yourself… which is an even worse feeling. 😦

      Wei-Wei

  2. hey, love. I’m here.

    I don’t know what else to say… but you’re not alone.

    xoxo

    • I’m sorry… I do realise that posting about these things is triggering and a little selfish. I always feel really bad whenever I talk about my “problems” to anyone… I always feel like my own problems are trivial and not worth talking about, and that I can deal with it on my own. I really appreciate it… Thank you.

      Wei-Wei

  3. *hugs* Hun, I don’t want to repeat what I said in your previous post but perhaps you can try this. Have your three main meals and set 2 or 3 planned snacks in between where you can have anything you want but not overdo it. So you can have 2 slices of bread with PB as a mid-afternoon meal and stop at that. Tell yourself that you’re having another snack maybe, for supper and if you’re still craving PB on bread, have it again. It won’t be easy, but if you don’t plan on getting a dietitian, then perhaps you can try this out first. =) Good luck. xoxo

    • Thank you Nattie! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to not listen to your advice, but sometimes… Well, let’s just say my cravings got the better of me. I know about meal plans like these and I’ve tried following them, but for some reason I always undereat at meals and to “make up” for it have a snack later on… and then end up snacking and snacking and then eventually the peanut butter jar sort of looms. πŸ˜›

      Thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely take it into account. πŸ˜€

      Wei-Wei

      • Aww hun. Don’t be sorry. I totally understand you because I went through these bingeing phases before and I can tell you I binged a whole lot worse. Try to eat proper meals, I promise you it will help. Your body is screaming for nutrients and the more you deprive it, the more intense it’s going to cry to be fed properly. I know you have what it takes to get over this but one step at a time hun. Keep the faith. I’m always here if you need me!

        Nat xoxo

  4. Wei-Wei, you’re not alone! Just look at the comments here on your blog. We might not be able to be there in person, but we’re all thinking of you πŸ™‚ I’ve totally gone into “attack the peanut butter jar” mode several times (I just love peanut butter that much), and fretted endlessly over it afterwards. But you know what? Nothing ill ever came out of it, I didn’t gain a million pounds like I believed I would and I got to indulge in my favorite food.

    If you’re really concerned about all these binges happening, try Nattie’s suggestions of trying to wait it out or planning to have your PB during snacks and things. You could also try drinking some tea or water, sometimes our bodies confuse hunger for thirst. Sending you much love!

    • Thank you Pinjing! Thanks to ALL OF YOU! πŸ˜€

      Yeah, peanut butter. [sigh] I can never get the good stuff here in China, because it’s all Skippy and Jif… have I mentioned that before? D: I read the ingredients list in Chinese and guess what I see… yup, partially hydrogenated vegetable oils. I guess maybe I should find a better, healthier peanut butter to binge on… or maybe even make my own?! My mom bought a big carton of mixed nuts and I’m wondering if I can Blendtec it into mixed-nutter-butter! πŸ˜€

      I appreciate your suggestions. I tried one of them yesterday; I had a piece of toast with peanut butter for a snack, and then… that was it. I stopped. I was so happy! I was satisfied (okay I was still eyeing the peanut butter jar for a while afterwards, but I resisted!) and I’m thinking about incorporating peanut butter into my normal meals more often now, to lower the craving. I’ve had peanut butter on toast (w/ bananas too, mmm) for breakfast these past couple days… I’m glad to say that I think it’s helping! πŸ˜€

      Thanks for the love! I love you guys πŸ˜€

      Wei-Wei

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