location, location, location.

i’m moving URLs.

this is my new one:

http://semicolonyum.blog.com

i don’t know why i felt

the compulsion to move.

i do realise that it’ll probably result

in a rather large dip in readership, which

i think will probably hurt my self-esteem somewhat,

but the thing is…

i let someone i’m close to know about this blog.

and i suspect they told my mother.

and we had a rather large argument.

and i think that it ended with the agreement

that i never had an ED.

okay.

whatever.

but the point is, i’m moving to a new URL,

where i’ll be posting more about food, than

more of my “inner” thoughts about ED.

i don’t want to have to do this,

but i’m too much of a coward to post it

somewhere my mother might see.

call me cowardly.

call me spineless.

but i just can’t do it.

i’ll still read everyone’s blog, but

i won’t be posting about ED so often.

maybe then, it’ll be easier to leave it behind.

until then, i’ll see you on over

at ;yum.

PS. i love you guys.

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envy, covetousness, resentment, resentfulness, bitterness, the green-eyed monster

any other synonyms for jealousy out there?

i am jealous of her.

i want to be a good photographer.

i want to be able to feel pretty.

i want to make the effort and have a life.

i want to stop being on the computer all the time.

i want to just get out there and be social.

i want to “call someone up” and go “hang out”.

i want to have the motivation to work for success.

i want to know what i’m good at.

i want to know how this can connect with my real life.

i want to know how to stop clicking the next picture.

i want to know how to stop obsessing.

i want to stop obsessing.

**

Honestly, I just don’t know. I have to talk in normal sentences sometimes, so here goes:

She’s a girl at my school. She describes herself as an outcast, but she’s a part of the popular group, the skater section. Her, an outcast? God. What outcast? I’m an outcast. An outcast is someone who can’t identify with anyone else. At least she has friends. And a life. And a passion. But no, she describes herself as an outcast, posts beautifully artistic photos of herself, and gets perceived as a beautiful, deep-thinking, photographic genius.

Maybe I’m being prejudiced or pre-judgmental. I always thought of the popular people as shallow fakes. Poser indies. Faux-depressed angsty teenagers. But who am I to talk? I don’t know anything about love, or relationships. I can’t understand the drama.

I don’t know her personally. But I have commented on her photos on flickr, and tried to talk to her a little on facebook. She hasn’t replied. Maybe it’s just because I’m only one of the many adoring fans of her work.

It’s not fair. I know she worked for this “fame”. I know she has a talent. I want a talent, too. I certainly can’t find out what it is by sitting on my ass all the time wondering about what my talent is.

So, I guess, it’s just time to get out of the house and do something.

I’m going for a walk.

suckup WIN: benne wafers

soooooooooo.

it’s officially summer.

what does that call for?

thanksgiving time, people! it’s time

to give thanks.

to my teachers, in particular.

okay, i admit it, i don’t feel particularly

gratuitous and grateful and

“oh, you were a wonderful teacher who

inspired me to become the greatest

writer/mathematician/historian ever!”

but let’s be honest here.

i am a suckup.

i like to bake.

i like to look for excuses for baking.

so what better excuse to pull out some

fancy-pants recipe i spotted a couple weeks ago?

granted, it’s not that fancy-pants

but it’s fancy-pantsier than the usual…

y’know. oreo blondie.

banana muffin.

zebra cupcake.

(notice that biscotti aren’t on that list.

i think i’m going to lay off biscotti for a while.)

i used this recipe for benne wafers

from she wears many hats.

now… i have to admit, it wasn’t the best in the world.

because the first time i made them,

i made the batter on monday night and

had no time to bake them.

i had tuesday off school, but we went to the expo.

(which i think sucks, by the way. gosh.)

and “i decided” to bake them up late that night.

why the quotation marks in “i decided”?

well, i decided, but i didn’t bake them.

i came upstairs and became lazy and kept putting it off

so my mother, in all her good intentions,

rationed out the batter into 35 perfect circular drops

and stuck it in the oven.

she did notice, however, that the batter was very, very

liquidy.

that’s right, kids.

it spread. and covered the entire pan.

i was not a happy camper, for several reasons.

• they spread. did i mention that?
• when i dug them up from the pan, the bottom of the pan was slick with oil. or melted butter.
• i had to cut them into ugly rectangular shapes.
• they weren’t wafers, they were pieces of sticky, greasy, floppy… lace cookies.
• they were tasty, though. perhaps too tasty, because once i decided i couldn’t present them to my teachers, i proceeded to binge on them. it’s been happening a bit more often lately, except with one difference: i can’t seem to find the energy to care and obsess over binging anymore. so i ate. until my tummy ached. damn.

F is for fail.

F is also for flop.

so the next day, the wednesday, i remade them.

but with a TON of modifications.

• the recipe called for 6 tbsp of butter. therefore, i had 2 tbsp left. that’s right, kids. i thirded the butter. is that even a word? thirded?
• my mother said that the recipes for “lace cookies” called for more egg whites than egg yolks. so i beat in an extra egg white for moisture.
• it turned out a little too moist, so i added lots of flour to even it out. it was probably close to 1/4 to 1/3 cups extra of flour.
• i reduced the sugar. i can’t remember by how much, but again it was at the insistence of my mother.

i hoped, and prayed, that it would work.

i tested out a first batch, which i ended up

burning a little.

have i mentioned before that my oven is sucky?

only the top flame works.

therefore, i often get overcooked tops,

and undercooked bottoms.

but no fear! with the advice of my wise mother,

(who, by the way, used to bake a lot, which explains

her wiseness when it comes to cooking.)

i heated up the second sheet pan in the oven so that

there would be some residual heat from the pan that

cooked the cookies from the bottom, and

placed the sheet at the lower third of the oven.

if i felt that the cookies weren’t browning enough,

i moved the rack up.

it worked like a charm, if i do say so myself.

well… maybe i  could have let it brown

just a little more on top?

or flipped it over, and baked it upside down?

but never mind. i was about the package them anyway.

i had to choose between these four adorable

packaging options.

purchased: from japan.

oh. how i love japan and how gimmicky and cutesy they get.

i chose this one:

(i forgot to take a picture of them actually packaged up.

they were cute. maybe too much so.

let’s leave it at that.)

now today, was a good, but lazy day.

i stayed at home for all but maybe 10 minutes.

it felt nice.

i thought that summer holiday would mean

less baking/cooking, but guess what i made today?

i made hummus.

and cupcakes!

because my sister was craving them.

vanilla cupcakes with vanilla icing.

sadly, my cupcake attempt was pretty half-assed.

i’ll post about them tomorrow, because

it is 2.45am over here in El Chino, and

i have to get up early tomorrow in 6 hours.

gosh. i thought that summer holiday would mean

more sleep. (i actually took a nap today.)

i should make sleep a priority for now…

plus all that summer camp stuff.

but i’m getting off topic.

here is the recipe: (modifications in red)

Benne Wafer Recipe (makes about 50, approximately 2″ wafers) (actually, they made about half that amount)

recipe from She Wears Many Hats

adapted from Charleston Receipts

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 egg white
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour + 1/4 to 1/3 cup
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 6 tablespoons sesame seeds

Directions:

– In a sauté pan or skillet, toast sesame seeds over medium heat until brown. Stir occasionally to avoid scorching. Let cool.

– In a mixing bowl, cream the brown sugar and butter together.

– Add the beaten egg to the sugar/butter mixture, and combine well.

– Next, sift the flour, salt and baking powder together, add it to the mix and combine until just smooth.

– Finally add the vanilla and toasted sesame seeds and mix well.

– On a foil, parchment or silicon baking mat lined baking sheet, drop teaspoons of batter, spaced apart to allow for spreading.

– Bake in a 375°F oven for approximately 12-13 minutes, until browned.

– Let cool for about a minute on baking sheet before removing to cool on rack.

**

How would you modify this recipe further? I don’t know if it was imprecise measuring on my part or just a bad recipe, but… I honestly think that mine were better. Sorry 😦

Also, I’m thinking about making a recipe page. But only if you found my recipes useful… I mean, I modify them crazily all the time, and I’m not a great source for recipes… but it was mighty hard trying to find those old posts with the cryptic titles I have.

Do you find my cryptic titles annoying?? I do, actually. Next time I’ll write a title DIRECTLY relevant to my post. (Or maybe I’ll just do that for recipe posts. I’m changing the title of this post right now.)